Five Things To Keep In Mind While Going Through Divorce

  

“Divorce is a fire exit. When a house is burning, it doesn’t matter who set the fire. If there is no fire exit, everyone in the house will be burned!” Mehmet Murat ildan

It’s so easy to get caught up in the chaos of a burning house ( ie your marriage) but keep these five thoughts handy as you head towards the fire exit.

1) DIVORCE IS A PROCESS. That seems like a simple concept but all too often we see (former) couples struggling through their new reality. Be patient with yourself and the process. If you are not like Brittney Spears its likely that you have been married for more than 55 hours, you guys have assets to divide and living arrangements to figure out. If you have children this division becomes more complex. Even divorces in which both parties agree on everything (see: unicorn of family law) can take up to six months to complete. Take this time to adjust and get to know your unmarried self.

2) DIVORCE ISN’T THE SILVER BULLET. The thing is, the problems you had in your marriage don’t magically disappear because you have filed for divorce. Truth is the process of divorce can sometimes amplify the issues couples struggled with during marriage.

Be prepared to work through those problems as your divorce progresses. For example If you had communication problems in your marriage be prepared to address how best to communicate about the children and discuss the division of property in writing so you both have a point of reference as things get hectic. Even after you divorce you may have to tackle issues form the past. Be ready to choose which battles are worth fighting.

3) YOUR CHILDREN ARE NOT WEAPONS. Do not use your children against one another. Going through divorce is hard enough on children, with out the added pressure of having to choose sides. Don’t make them choose a side. Reassure them that they don’t have to take sides. Remind them that whatever disagreements you all are having does not involve them. The problem with using children to as the go between is that it makes children feel responsible for what is happening. The success or failure of the family becomes their burden to bare and it is simply not fair to place that burden on a child.

If you notice your child taking a side, even if it is yours, encourage them to remain neutral. Outside of accusations of child abuse, there is no reason why the break down of your marriage should spell the destruction of the parent-child relationship between your (former) spouse and child.

4)  CHILD SUPPORT AND PARENTING TIME ARE NOT THE SAME THING.  This is a big one. No parent may deny or grant parenting time based on the payment or lack thereof, of child support. If there is a court order in place that demands parenting time, honor it, no matter what. Timely let the court know of delinquency and work with your attorney to get child support for your child. Denying parenting time will only hurt your child and your case, especially if parenting time is a contested issue.

Do, talk to your attorney as soon as you begin the notice a pattern of non-payment. Seek the help of an attorney to modify a current child support order if your circumstance have changed and or you are unable to make payment due to job loss or injury. Talk to your attorney if you are being denied parenting time.

5) DIVORCE DOES NOT HAVE TO BE UGLY.  Remember you choose how you want your divorce to look. Be clear in your intentions with your attorney and make sure they are on the same page. Attorneys deal in conflict all the time, so we've got you covered in a dog fight. However, its equally important to make sure you have an attorney who is also willing to work collaboratively with your spouse and/ or his attorney. If you are still on speaking terms with your spouse (barring a history of abuse) communicate to him/her clearly that you don’t want to drag out the process and you hope to resolve it as peacefully as possible. Realize you only have control over your behavior, but you can influence your spouses choices.

Even if the process starts off highly contentious, you can work with your attorney to change the trajectory of the most contentious divorces. Remember agreements can be made pretty much anytime during the process and the family judicial system is set up to encourage and support agreements.

Avoiding the Left Hook

A little creative storytelling never hurt anyone, right? When it comes to your attorney, you may be hurting your chances for a successful claim or defense.

Imagine your attorney as the boxer you send into the ring to fight on your behalf. Your attorney has trained and prepared for your big rumble. She uses evidence to knock the other fighter on their heels. She bobs and weaves to avoid the devastating blows that will be thrown throughout your case. Now imagine half way through the match, you send your fighter into the ring blindfolded. There is no way for her to see the punches coming, and before the referee can call it, your fighter is TKO'd with a solid barrage of left hooks. What are those left hooks? The information you chose not to disclose to your attorney and she is blindfolded because she had no way of preparing for the left hook.

Keep in mind; you have hired the attorney to represent you in your legal matter. That means she is bound by a legal duty to effectively navigate the legal ring with your interests in mind. Within the attorney-client relationship, you are protected by attorney- client privilege, which means that communications between you and your attorney, related to your representation, are confidential. The idea behind this protection is to reinforce your confidence in your attorney and your attorney’s confidence in you. Family law, by its very nature, opens up our homes and lays bare the intimate details of our bedrooms. This can be scary even for the most unabashed among us. Your attorney’s job is to leave judgment to the judge, and your job is to tell your attorney the relevant facts and details. Your attorney has trained to wade through the details to find the items that will help or hurt your case. They can extract those items that will build a strong defense or counter argument when those details look like they will TKO your claim. The fact is: your attorney can’t prepare for what she doesn't know about. So don't be shy, spill the beans and give your case a fighting chance.

Keo'vonne W.

"Turn Your Dream Into Your Legacy"

Take Back Your Date Night!

Leaving your children home with a baby sitter can be both a blessing and a curse. You finally get to wear your fancy clothes and tucked neatly into the pockets is your fully charged phone with the the ringer volume turned to the loudest possible setting. Because while you and your darling are finally able to get some much needed alone time, you never stop being the concerned parent.

You deserve some quality cuddle time, claim it, guilt free, by executing a Babysitter/Caregiver Medical Treatment and Parental Consent Form (aka Babysitter’s Consent Form).This handy little document gives the person left in charge (babysitter, grandparents, neighbor etc.) the power to make decisions that would ordinarily require parental consent, for your child.  In an emergency situation the caretaker (custodian) is able to give consent to time sensitive emergency procedures. A baby sitter consent form is also useful in non-emergency situations, like allowing the custodian to sign your child up for ballet classes or give a doctor permission to set a broken arm.

Authorizing parents remain liable for decisions made on their behalf because the form is the parent’s express permission to have the custodian act as “parental decision maker” in their stead. The custodian essentially becomes an agent of the parents. The form also gives the custodian the ability to sue those who refuse to acknowledge their authority.

 For parents with minor children, the baby sitter consent form is ideal to send along with your child on camping trips, class field trips and slumber parties. It can be used wherever there is a need for parental approval and is legally enforceable. Keo’vonne Wilson Legal, PLLC provides custom Babysitter/Caregiver Medical Treatment and Parental Consent Forms that provide the custodian with specific information regarding your child and their specific needs. You can include food and medicine allergies, nontraditional parent preferences and binding care instructions. The clearly defined powers bind both the custodian and the person requiring parental consent to abide by the Parental instructions. The form is especially useful for parents with minors that have special needs.

Reclaim Your Date Night With A Babysitter Consent Form!!!

Click here and simply fill out the form and enter payment directly at KeovonneWilsonLegal.com. Within 48 hours your will receive your custom Babysitter/Caregiver Medical Treatment and Parental Consent Forms via email. Call or email us for additional information. Info@KeovonneWilsonLegal or 480-383-4017

Keo'vonne W.

"Turn Your Dream Into Your Legacy"

Tame Your Ghost: Why Estate Planning Doesn't Have To Be Terrifying

       This weekend I volunteered at Wills For Heroes, it is an amazing program that provides free basic estate planning to veterans, firefighters, police officers and other first responders. I sat with a married couple to prepare their wills and powers of attorney. The interview was cheerful and sprinkled with easy laughter. When we got the part of the interview that covers the assignment of guardianship for the couple's minor children, barely audible, the wife began to sob. I listened quietly as her husband asked her why she was crying. I offered tissue while she explained that the couple had prayed the entire way to the event. The subject of their prayers had been the safety of their children and leaving her little ones behind had been the part she had feared in the midst of their prayer. The husband expressed that his concerns mirrored that of his wife. 

 Talking about end of life issues in the context of their children had made the couple nervous. I began to explain, that sitting down with me did not mean they were ready to die; it meant that they were ready to live without worry. The couple leaned in as I narrated the list of troubles that their foresight would spare their children. 

        This couple is not alone in their fear and their fear is not an unusual one. Sitting down to discuss your estate plan means that you must face your own mortality. The fact is you will not live forever, but that doesn't have to mean that you cannot take care of your family long after you are gone. The planning process is not a declaration that you have given up on life but rather a declaration that you have decided to live a life without fear of the unknown. 

 
       We were able to come up with a plan that made sense for the couple and their family and I was able to suggest some additional planning beyond the services of the Wills For Heroes program. We had defeated the shadowy ghost of uncertainty together and by the end of our session, both husband and wife were all smiles. 
       This experience reminded me that we all have our own ghosts to wrestle with but coming to the mat with a plan in hand, renders your foe already defeated.  

Keo'vonne W.

"Turn Your Dream Into Your Legacy"