Unveiling Domestic Abuse

“Has he ever trapped you in a room and not let you out?
Has he ever raised a fist as if he were going to hit you?
Has he ever thrown an object that hit you or nearly did?
Has he ever held you down or grabbed you to restrain you?
Has he ever shoved, poked, or grabbed you?
Has he ever threatened to hurt you?
If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then we can stop wondering whether he’ll ever be violent; he already has been.” 
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

Domestic violence is a topic we often view through a narrow lens. Clients and even attorneys make the sometimes-fatal mistake of assessing abuse as actual hitting. Some declaring, “It was only a shove” or "Threats don't count". But I’m here to tell you and the law reaffirms my statement, "Abuse comes in many forms". Since the concept can be veiled in ambiguity it is important to understand what constitutes abusive behavior.

According to the United States Department of Justices Office on Violence Against Women, the definition of domestic violence is “A pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain control over another intimate partner.” The definition is a broad one and includes physical abuse along with sexual abuse, emotional/psychological abuse[1], economic abuse[2], stalking, and for a modern twist, cyber stalking.

The most common excuse I hear, as the reason victims do not report abuse is “I don’t want to get him/or her in trouble”. Consider this: he/she has long abandoned a concern for your safety and wellbeing. YOU have to look out for your safety and wellbeing.

Use your best judgment and sometimes the judgment of a dear friend is a good stand-in. Its true, sometimes love can make us blind [3]. And sometimes we need the advice of a good friend who has nothing to gain from generating excuses for (insert abuser’s name here). If you're too afraid or embarrassed to share questionable incidents with a good friend, it’s likely that you are experiencing abuse. The first step in combatting the domestic violence is acknowledging that it is happening.

“We have this judgmental way of looking at the idea of leaving a home or a family, and our society has reinforced this idea that if we "run away," we are "running away from our problems." In some cases, though, to face certain problems (in this case, two family members who are not mentally stable and who are not going to face up to their issues) the family members who are capable of facing reality must realize that leaving is a viable option. Some environments are harmful. As fellow humans it is our job to judge less and encourage more when others choose to remove themselves from harmful environments.” 
― A.S. King

Keo'vonne W.

"Turn Your Dream Into Your Legacy"

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[1] Emotional/ Psychological abuse can include humiliation, threats to safety of victim, self, or loved ones, verbal abuses, forced isolation from friends and family.

[2] Economic abuse takes place when the abuser makes or tries to make the victim financially reliant. Economic abusers often seek to maintain total control over financial resources, withhold the victims access to funds, or prohibit the victim from going to school or work. - 

[3] Symptoms of love very for most but can include blindness, deafness and dumbness. 

Take Back Your Date Night!

Leaving your children home with a baby sitter can be both a blessing and a curse. You finally get to wear your fancy clothes and tucked neatly into the pockets is your fully charged phone with the the ringer volume turned to the loudest possible setting. Because while you and your darling are finally able to get some much needed alone time, you never stop being the concerned parent.

You deserve some quality cuddle time, claim it, guilt free, by executing a Babysitter/Caregiver Medical Treatment and Parental Consent Form (aka Babysitter’s Consent Form).This handy little document gives the person left in charge (babysitter, grandparents, neighbor etc.) the power to make decisions that would ordinarily require parental consent, for your child.  In an emergency situation the caretaker (custodian) is able to give consent to time sensitive emergency procedures. A baby sitter consent form is also useful in non-emergency situations, like allowing the custodian to sign your child up for ballet classes or give a doctor permission to set a broken arm.

Authorizing parents remain liable for decisions made on their behalf because the form is the parent’s express permission to have the custodian act as “parental decision maker” in their stead. The custodian essentially becomes an agent of the parents. The form also gives the custodian the ability to sue those who refuse to acknowledge their authority.

 For parents with minor children, the baby sitter consent form is ideal to send along with your child on camping trips, class field trips and slumber parties. It can be used wherever there is a need for parental approval and is legally enforceable. Keo’vonne Wilson Legal, PLLC provides custom Babysitter/Caregiver Medical Treatment and Parental Consent Forms that provide the custodian with specific information regarding your child and their specific needs. You can include food and medicine allergies, nontraditional parent preferences and binding care instructions. The clearly defined powers bind both the custodian and the person requiring parental consent to abide by the Parental instructions. The form is especially useful for parents with minors that have special needs.

Reclaim Your Date Night With A Babysitter Consent Form!!!

Click here and simply fill out the form and enter payment directly at KeovonneWilsonLegal.com. Within 48 hours your will receive your custom Babysitter/Caregiver Medical Treatment and Parental Consent Forms via email. Call or email us for additional information. Info@KeovonneWilsonLegal or 480-383-4017

Keo'vonne W.

"Turn Your Dream Into Your Legacy"

Tame Your Ghost: Why Estate Planning Doesn't Have To Be Terrifying

       This weekend I volunteered at Wills For Heroes, it is an amazing program that provides free basic estate planning to veterans, firefighters, police officers and other first responders. I sat with a married couple to prepare their wills and powers of attorney. The interview was cheerful and sprinkled with easy laughter. When we got the part of the interview that covers the assignment of guardianship for the couple's minor children, barely audible, the wife began to sob. I listened quietly as her husband asked her why she was crying. I offered tissue while she explained that the couple had prayed the entire way to the event. The subject of their prayers had been the safety of their children and leaving her little ones behind had been the part she had feared in the midst of their prayer. The husband expressed that his concerns mirrored that of his wife. 

 Talking about end of life issues in the context of their children had made the couple nervous. I began to explain, that sitting down with me did not mean they were ready to die; it meant that they were ready to live without worry. The couple leaned in as I narrated the list of troubles that their foresight would spare their children. 

        This couple is not alone in their fear and their fear is not an unusual one. Sitting down to discuss your estate plan means that you must face your own mortality. The fact is you will not live forever, but that doesn't have to mean that you cannot take care of your family long after you are gone. The planning process is not a declaration that you have given up on life but rather a declaration that you have decided to live a life without fear of the unknown. 

 
       We were able to come up with a plan that made sense for the couple and their family and I was able to suggest some additional planning beyond the services of the Wills For Heroes program. We had defeated the shadowy ghost of uncertainty together and by the end of our session, both husband and wife were all smiles. 
       This experience reminded me that we all have our own ghosts to wrestle with but coming to the mat with a plan in hand, renders your foe already defeated.  

Keo'vonne W.

"Turn Your Dream Into Your Legacy"

FIVE ESTATE PLANNING MISTAKES YOU MAY BE MAKING RIGHT NOW

1. Not Talking To Your Family About Your Estate Plan.

            We've all seen the movie scene where the family gathers around Grandpa’s attorney while he reads off who gets what. There is a dramatic and unexpected gift made to a long lost son, or everyone gets disinherited and the dog takes it all. While this makes for wonderful movie drama, it makes for horrible estate planning. Talk to your family about your intentions. A lot of family feuds could have been prevented if the creator of the will and/or trust had been clear about their intentions to family members before they passed.

            If your concern is privacy or keeping your intentions private up until you pass, you can work with an attorney to draft a clear letter of intention to accompany your estate plan. A letter of intention is a non-binding but influencing document that can spell out to your loved ones what you hoped to accomplish with your estate plan. Legal jargon sometimes cannot convey your hopes and dreams for your family like a letter or heart-to-heart with loved ones can.

2. Doing It Yourself.

            I know, I know, you can go on (insert legal DIY website here) and download a Will for little to no money. My response: you've worked hard to earn what you’ve got, why take the risk. A knowledgeable attorney can help you avoid mistakes that can cost you and your family time, money and headaches down the road. My mantra “ Pay now, or Pay later…either way you're gonna pay.” It simply means this; you can pay a knowledgeable attorney to draft a complete and comprehensive plan now and have your assets pass and estate administered seamlessly later. Or you can DIY now to save money and have your family pay a knowledgeable attorney to step in and help sort through an incomplete or poorly drafted estate plan later.

        If, despite my warning, you are confident in your DIY skills and go forward with drafting your own documents, have an attorney review the documents to make sure they meet the minimum legal requirements. Most attorneys, including myself, will charge an hourly rate for legal advice/document review. An attorney can also help you determine whether you have included the documents relevant to your estate planning goals.

3. Not Funding Your Trust

            Ok so you made the first steps, consulted with an attorney, got your ducks in a row, and now the crisp papers of your estate plan pad your safe deposit box. Good for you! But those trust documents do not provide protection for your assets if your assets are not in the trust.

           If you are not sure how to move your assets into your trust consult with your attorney. Putting items in a trust can be as simple as naming or retitling assets into the trust. Some assets, like annuities and closely held stock ,  will require the help of your CPA of financial advisor in order to facilitate a proper transfer. In any case, in order for the trust to provide probate aversion and tax benefits, the assets must be in the Trust.

           If your trust is irrevocable, you will still have access and maintain control over your assets. If you trust is irrevocable, talk to your attorney or CPA about the best way to fund you trust while ensuring that you have the assets you need to address financial obligations and maintain your lifestyle.

           

4. Half Doing Your Estate Plan

            I recently spoke at a community legal forum, where a woman stood and shared with the group that her uncle had prepared his trust documents himself. He properly placed his home in the trust. I asked the woman, “So what is the problem ?” She waved the trust at me and said that the trust was the only document he had executed. There were no other documents, he had not executed a will or any power of attorneys. More importantly there was no pour-over will to default all of the assets left outside of the trust into the trust. As a consequence of the missing documents, the uncle, left his niece, the intended beneficiary of all his assets, with the home titled in the trust and nothing else.  The woman, who I found out was the man’s niece, was this woman angrily waving the manila folder at the crowd.

            This story may straddle the fence as an argument against do-it-yourselfers, but more importantly it shows the importance of creating a complete and comprehensive plan. I am asked all the time, by clients, if I could just offer the estate planning documents piece meal. I can and do but I always but a warn against it. An estate plan is just that, a plan, and in order for the plan to work properly you must have all of the elements of the plan. The manila-folder-waving-woman was months into a contested and stressful probate process that I believe her uncle intended to save her from.

I was reminded of one of my mother’s favorite quotes “Do it right or don't do it at all”.

5.Not Having An Estate Plan

            Of course the big no-no is not having an estate at all. Nearly once a week someone will tell me, “I don't really have anything of value anyway.” This argument is the reason I believe many people don't utilize any estate planning tools. In reply I tell them, and you “Everyone has something worth giving to your family when you pass”.

            To be clear, I'm not talking about money or homes. I am talking about the relief you provide your loved ones when they don't have to guess at complicated decisions in the wake of your death. It is hard enough to say goodbye to a loved one, it is even harder to then have to make the decision to cut off life support, or argue with family members about burial or cremation, what to do with the remains, sell the home or keep it, battle over guardianship of a minor or an incapacitated parent. You see where I'm going with this. An estate plan is not about giving away a piece of property, it is about giving your loved ones a piece of mind.

Keo'vonne W.

"Turn Your Dream Into Your Legacy"